♪ ⓜⓤⓢⓘⓒ ♫ || im back bitches

hey guys, so what has it been ? four months ? craaaaazy. but well i was a little bit more active on my other blog. so i dont know i didnt feel like writing in english but im back bitches. so today i would like to write about music. as some of u may know music is a huge part of my life. it is really relaxing and a passion of mine. so since i got my amazon tv stick i listen to music every day. it makes so much more fun to do things while listening to music. so that is why i want to share some of my favorite artists and songs with u. like if u are a grunge bitch like me u probably already know all of them but well for those of u who want to try out something new : youre welcome. so lets start .

lana del rey
i really do like her style of music but to be honest i think her first album is the best one. dont get me wrong, i also love other songs but they arent like they used to be.

troye sivan
well...he is just genius. no more words needed. go check out his fucking album bitches.

arctic monkeys
this band is so coool. omg. like for real. they are more like a rock pop alternative band and their album A.M. is one of my favorite one. an absolute must have.

halsey
okay so here is the deal with halsey. i really loved her songs and i still do but their just so overplayed by now. but if u dont know her i would recommend her album Badlands. beautiful songs and melodies.

nirvana
bitch nirvana is like fucking everything. go and listen to them right now.

melanie martiney
omg this woman. really honest songs; i think that is what i like about all of these artists. they all have  great lyrics one can relate to. her album Cry Baby  is a masterpiece. check it out.

the 1975
i have to admit it is not one of my favorite bands but they are okay. some songs are really great but some songs are just like nah... but they are definitely worth a try.

the neighbourhood
uhhhh....this band is sooooo goood. arghhh. just everything. but again i have to admit that i liked their first album more. but still their second album has some great tracks.

twenty one pilots
amazing. just amazing. u might have heard some songs of them on the radio. i do like both albums but in my opinion their second album has more catchy songs.

lorde
okay so i really love all of her songs. and that is why im so sad that she hasnt really released a new album. why on earth would u do that lorde :( ?

the xx
here is the thing about them. i loooooooooooooooooooove their song Intro or some other songs but the rest is just like .... wtf. so its worth a try but they have a really special style.

bring me the horizon
well...they are actually more of a metal band but recently they went more into a softer direction which i would consider alternative. i really like all of their albums but some of their songs are just too much screaming. but besides from that its a great band.

olivia o'brien
i just found out about her recently and she is pretty new but her songs are bomb af.

i guess these are my number one artists i listen to. i hope i could present u some new artist that u didnt know before. have a fucking great day.

☂ ⓕⓤⓒⓚ ☂ || so done.

im so fed up. so angry and disappointed. a single person can ruin the hope that u had for such a long time and im just sooo pissed. i mean i feel like i was never enough for this person even though i tried so hard. and today i got to know that this person was hooking up with someone else while i was like crying and thinking about this person. what the fuck is this ? Some messed up shit from above ? im just literally so mad i cant even. like hey lol this is so funny im getting more and more distant towards you without a real reason and hey i just had fun with someone else. like wtf ? wtf is wrong with you ? did you even cared ? how could i be this blind ? fuck. this is so fucked up. im so done. like this is just... ugh...i cant. i need some time to fucking get my life back together. bye

life update || what is going on at the moment

hello my alien babes. how is ur life going ? i know i did not write for such a long time now but well here i am. so basically today i feel so confused. like i dont know what the heck is going on in my freakinq body but something is changing guys. like i think it could be because of the weather change but literally i dont know. my skin was so good like in the end of august and also like in the beginning of september but then wooow. i mean i can understand that my skin breaked out a bit because of all the stress that i had because of exams  etc. but now this is something different. i mean i look like annabelle from that bitch as scary movie. Like i get dry patches on my cheeks and its like i can pull off my own skin.i know its gross but hell this is so painful. like i have exactly two huge dry patches on each cheek and i just look like i had put million layers of blush on my cheeks. And this is bothering me so much. the funny thing is that i do everything so that my skin gets better but hell nothing really helps. it is so frustrating and im so happy that the vacations started again because i would be so ashamed to go to school like that. ughhh i hate it. i dont know if anyone of u can relate to this but i hope im not the only one on this freakinq world. i try to feel confident but it is not as easy as one might think. i hate looking in the mirror because then i see this red faced monster. this is so annoying.  my life would be so much easier if my skin wouldnt be so f. shitty. yesterday i thought about how ppl see me. a couple of weeks ago a woman told me that she thinks i am pretty confident. and this was one of the biggest jokes that i have ever heard. it is like zero true. im so self-conscious and would love to live under a rock. my skin is one of my biggest issues and it is so rare that i find myself beautiful. it is kinda hard for me to express my feelings towards myself. i cannot really imagine what it is like to love your own body and to have no problems to accept it just the way it is. it is just a thought that is just so far away. i mean in the end we will all die alone so we are the only person that we really have so we should actually embrace ourselves but it is so hard to accept that fact because we are influenced by so many ppl. something that i noticed while hanging around with my friends was that the way how we present ourselves to the others has such a huge value to us. i mean thats also one of the reasons why i dont really have social media. like u constantly think about how u
present ur life and compare ur life to others and i think by doing so we dont even have time to lean back and relax. everything is only about creating  a good image. this is so sick and i couldnt be
happier with the decision that i made eight months ago. okay... this post is way to long now but i really wanted to talk to u guys again. i mean there are a couple of u who read this so i really appreciate this. thank u so much for being in my life and for reading my weird shit. that means a lot to me.

❔ ⓐⓝⓧⓘⓔⓣⓨ ❔ || done.

hello it's me again. idk what it is but I feel so betrayed. so lonely. so misunderstood. so confused. so ugly. basically so anxious. maybe I overreact a bit but I'm a person who thinks too much about what ppl think about me. and I know it's bad but I can't help it. and a funny fact is that I even started questioning my friends like do they even like me ? bc I get the feeling that they start to do less and less with me and they kinda do their own thing. it hurts to see something happen like that. I mean it's pretty much a slow process but I start noticing it. and creeps the shit out of me. I get that I'm not Normal and depressed but I can't do anything against it. like I'm not a happy girl or someone who is always cheerful. but that's me. I wish I could be different but hell u can't change yourself and u shouldn't. that's so sick. and another thing which is bothering me is that I'm like 16 and i never ever had a boyfriend or a person who thought it would be worth for fighting. I'm so disgusted of myself. what is wrong with me ? I hate it. everything about life. there are no good moments even though they seem to be good. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. ugh.

❥ ⓜⓐⓓ ❥ || lonely ....

hello guys. it's been a while since my last post. well a lot happened considering my skin etc. and I think I'm on my way to a happier me. well there are times like now when I start questioning myself again. like are you really happy? is your life really going on and do you really feel better in your own skin ? I'm confused. I feel like I need to be around ppl. because I feel so alone. like I can't stand the feeling. not anymore. there was a time when I felt like it was the most beautiful thing in the world to be alone but now loneliness is just the most terrifying thing that can happen to me. when I'm home, I'm home alone. and it's so bad for me bc when I'm alone I have time to think and thinking is so terrible for me. like yeah thinking is good don't get me wrong lol but too much thinking like over thinking is equal to self harm in my eyes. it is so fucking painful. and I start feeling worse. that is the reason why I'm afraid of being alone. I hate it and I wanna have a person who understands this and is there for me all the time. I don't even know if this behavior is normal. I mean it's kinda sick. but that's what I need. otherwise I will go mad. preach 🙏🏿 .

✖️ ⓢⓐⓓ ✖️ || problems....

so hey guys. idk it's like 11 pm but I feel like I need to write my thoughts down. i feel a little sad at the moment. I try to feel confident and pretty every day but that's hard sometimes. as u guys know my skin breaked out a few weeks ago and since than my skin got "better" . so normally it is a shock for me to break out again. it's so confusing to me. I tend  to break out on my cheeks and it's not like just one small pimple no it's like three or four small pimples next to each other. it's so god damn frustrating. I don't know how to feel confident or pretty when all I get are new pimples which make me feel ugly as f*ck. lol. I have the feeling that 90% of my posts are about my skin. but guys I just wanna be honest with u and share my thoughts. and well that's what's bothering me right now. it's actually pretty dumb but I can't do nothing but stare at my ugly skin. the worst thing is I don't even know what to do and what the hell im doing wrong. I just can't anymore. I'm so afraid that ppl will comment on my face and my skin. it's one of my biggest fears actually. and i think it's funny bc it's hormonal and I can't do anything about it. anyways this post helped me a little bit to sort my thoughts again but I'm still in a bad mood. hopefully I'll get through it. good night.

❊ ⓕⓡⓔⓔ ❊ || my life changed...

from full makeup to less makeup to non makeup. yeah I know a lot of girls wear makeup. I know that some of those girls wear makeup bc they feel pretty with it. they feel confident. they feel strong.but nobody ever thought about the fact that makeup can also be a negative thing. I mean don't get me wrong, u can wear as much makeup as u want to but I really made bad experiences with makeup. I started using makeup when I was like twelve. I wanted to feel prettier. I was such a stupid girl. Anyways I did it and it was such a terrible idea. Like I was pretty without makeup. There was no need in using it. So yeah after a while I used more and more and more and more. And voila I was fifteen. I was fifteen and I was ashamed to hell without makeup. I was even scared to wear no makeup in front of my parents. Like my parents. I looked so differently without makeup that I was scared of their reaction. This was soooo wrong guys. So wrong. And I had quite a few breakdowns because of it. and I don't even know which breakdown it was but somewhen I started to wear less makeup. Like just a "little" bit of concealer here and there. I felt better but still I wasn't makeup free and I still looked a little bit different without it. So yeah after a few weeks I had another breakdown and know I'm fed up. I'm sick of being so dependent on makeup. From now on i try to live makeup free. I don't know if it will work but i hope it will. nothing would make me happier than to be free.